You’re going to be busy. They said.

You must be crazy. They said.

You are going to die. They said.

People said a lot of things when we announced that we were pregnant again shortly after Leo turned one, and I listened to every horror story people told me about how hard it was going to be to have babies 19 months apart. The stories didn’t phase Alex.  He constantly was reminding me that we had wanted kids close in age and what a gift we were given to have this new baby on the way.   And although I knew we were lucky and thanked God for this baby, I also knew he was the one that went off to his day job five days a week leaving me alone for the majority of the time trying to figure out how to get both babies down for naps and doing double diaper duty all while trying to run my own business and figuring out how to manage my other job at the same time.  I was also fearful of giving birth a second time.  Because of some complications with Leo, my chance of having a pregnancy resulting with a “catastrophic” ending (as my doctor referred to it) was a possibility and I refused to go into labor before writing out a very official will on the back of our energy bill with a Crayola marker, as only a pregnant and exhausted mother of a toddler would.  When I finally went into labor I sobbed the entire way down the hospital hall, and not because of the contractions, but because I was so afraid.

But out Nico came with no complications and no fuss.

The nurse on the maternity ward also had two babies 19 months apart and would come visit us and take Nico for walks and to the nursery so Alex and I could rest.  I knew that she knew we were in for it and wanted to give us rest before the madness started.  The nurses from the nursery would bring our little baby in hours later and tell us they didn’t even know he was awake because he didn’t fuss.  But I knew this was just the first glory days of having a newborn.  This was going to be short lived and then the terror would start.  We went home a few days later and were welcomed by my parents who I had forced to stay with us for three weeks to help me get through the crazy exhaustion phase.  And although our sweet boy did torture me with sleeping in short chunks through the night in the beginning, he was so mellow during the day.  My mom kept commenting on how good he was.  That she had never seen a baby like him.  But she forgot that being a newborn photographer, I knew that most babies were calm and chill and didn’t fuss during the first ten days.  I knew the terror was on it’s way and would probably hit the minute my parents left.

But it never did.

Everyday I wait: for the tide to turn, for my sweet little baby to become fussy and needy.  For me to crumble to pieces from being overwhelmed and overtired.  But so far, we’ve made it almost four months as a family of four with no issues.  I can’t say that having two kids is a breeze: it requires much more planning and organization and a lot less time to sleep and work and get things done, but little Nico has fit right into our lives like he was always here.  We are lucky to have such a good little guy–I am sure if his temperament was different I’d be signing a different tune, but for right now, I am so thankful for being blessed with this little baby, who apparently is as laid back and easy going as his daddy (and nothing like his mommy).

But Nico does terrify me.

As a second child, Nico doesn’t get nearly as much attention as Leo did, and he doesn’t demand much either.  He seems to be completely content being dragged from place to place with us, or swinging in his swing, or being held far less often than his brother.  And I worry.  I worry that time is passing much too quickly the second time around. That I’m not soaking in enough of this baby because I’m so distracted by toddler activity.  That I’m not hugging this little guy enough, or talking to him, or signing to him, or doing newborn activities with him.  That I don’t have enough pictures of him.  I am terrified that his baby year is slipping through my fingers too fast for me to hold on to and his little coos will be a distant memory far too soon.  I don’t even know where the past four months have gone and how the newborn stage has already vanished.

So today, I’m grateful for my mom who forced me to take a break and go outside with my littlest baby and soak up his little face, his blue eyes, the dimple on the side of his cheek, his little lashes with the swift curl on the end, the sweet way holds you close when you carry him, and his gummy smile and baby giggles that sound just like his brother’s.

I love you little man.  Thank you for making my life so easy.