I didn’t mean for these photos to be Nico’s first birthday session.  They were taken three months ago, but when you’ve got two little ones and are trying to juggle the whole work-from-home/mom-at-home thing, personal deadlines tend to go out the window.  Along with cohesive thoughts.  But I’ll give this one a whirl anyway.

Today my sweet babe turns one.

When Leo turned one, I had this moment of great epiphany about how much he had grown in his first year of life and how much I had grown myself.  I felt accomplished, energized to enter a new year, and mix of sappy and proud.

But as Nico turns one, my mind isn’t swirling with thought or reflection. Of course this initially gave me a huge surge of mom-guilt. Like much of Nico’s first year, I hadn’t slowed down enough to really reflect on the past twelve months, which are honestly one big blur. Am I a bad mom for not being able to remember Nico’s milestones as clearly as I remember them with Leo?  Or for not having the words to write something just as poignant?

After a few teary eyed moments, I realized that it’s not due to of lack of love that I couldn’t remember the intricate little details of this beautiful baby’s first year.  It’s because Nico has so perfectly slid into our family that it feels as though he has always been here.

There were no momentous moments of wonder and awe that came with his arrival; it was more like a puzzle piece that just fit and made our world right.  Before he arrived, I was holding my breath and waiting for the worst, but as soon as he was here, I felt like I could just breathe freely, and I drank him up so fast there really was no need to reflect.  I may not remember each moment I spent with him, but I know I’ll never forget the feeling of my heart swelling when he throws his little arms around my neck and squeezes me tight, or how he leans his little forehead into mine and smiles that big toothy grin of his.  This kid is magical–the way he has changed my world without me even realizing it–and I am so glad, *so glad*, he is mine.

 

 

And to my Little Leo Man, watching you help your little brother?  The way you make him laugh?  The way you say, “I wuv you Neeky-babe”…heart. melt. I’ll never forget it.

Happy Birthday to our sweet little Unicorn.  You are magic, my boy.